Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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