i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
