just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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