The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The feeling are messing with the penis
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
