i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
