I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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