Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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