Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
