Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
