Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
