Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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