The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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