I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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