I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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