I bet he comes in French.
Farmville is her only friend.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
