my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
