my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just want to make out with him forever
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
