its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
