It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
