Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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