I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
