can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
