I got chris browned last night
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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