omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
