Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
