we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
How many fucks given?
0.12846
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
