By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
