He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
