I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
