Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
