Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
