she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
