Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
