I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
