history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
