You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
