You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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