she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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