Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
My life is pants optional.
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