I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Two words: blizzard sex
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
