i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
