even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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