At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
