Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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