saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
