omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He felt like a one man threesome
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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