I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
