Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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