I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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