WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
