I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
