just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
NoShamevember. You game?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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