I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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