Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
